This article is intended to increase your confidence in your ability to plan a meaningful tribute for others – or, for that matter, yourself. A funeral honours a life that has been lived; shares the burden of loss and mourning with others, and allows people to reflect on their own beliefs and mortality. Culture, personal beliefs, and circumstances all affect our decisions.
Often, the best place to start is to contact your local funeral home and/or your clergy. Most funerals contain some or all of the following elements, with room for changes to celebrate the life of the individual in your own unique way.
1. Visitation
This is the opportunity to be with those who grieve, and to
be with the person who died. It can be the hardest thing to
do – but many experts agree that the visitation is the most
personally meaningful step in coming to terms with death. Consider:
- Special music
- Placing a private letter or special object in the casket
- Sharing favourite memories
- Special clothing that best depicts how you remember the deceases
- Photos
2. Service Opening
This is the start of the ceremony, which states the purpose
of the gathering and sets the tone for the ceremony.
Consider:
- Family members/friends light candles
- Special processional music
- Placing a flower by the urn or on the casket
- Special person acts as the urn bearer
- Formal religious receiving and processional
- Meaningful opening statement
3. Readings
These may be readings from religious scripture or from other inspirational sources. Consider:
- A passage or poem which captures the unique life and philosophies of the deceased
- Something the deceased has written, such as a poem or cherished letter
- Reading by a friend or relative
- A recording of a reading, such as an excerpt from a play
- Responsorial readings, which allow those in attendance to participate
4. Music
Music, like the readings, expresses our emotions and
beliefs. It is a powerful medium which is both personal and
universal. Consider:
- A performance, such as an instrumental or vocal selection
- Various types of music throughout the service
- A recording of a favourite song
5. Tribute
The eulogy pays tribute to and recalls the life of the
deceased. It is a very important aspect of the funeral and
its focal point. Consider:
- Frequently use the name of the deceased
- Consult with others to include memories from many different people and aspects of the life of the deceased
- Invite others to share their memories
- Include upbeat, even humorous, memories
- Include a memorial display with items such as photos, trophies, special objects, music and video
6. Closing
Just like the opening, the closing might be just a few
sentences. The closing needs words that are chosen
carefully (e.g. those which are set forth in religious rites)
which leave a lasting impression. Consider:
- Family members may carry a flower from the service
- Selection of special people to be pallbearers or urn bearers
- Special, meaningful processional music
- Military or fraternal last rites
7. Committal
Following the service, the guests may proceed to the committal, which is the placing of the casket or urn in its
final resting place. A very emotional time of "letting go", the
committal acknowledges the reality and finality of death.
Consider:
- Lowering the casket or urn into the earth
- Participant placing earth on the casket in the grave
- Taking a flower from the committal as a memory
- Moment of silence
- Placing flowers, releasing balloons
- Reciting prayers
- Special music, such as bagpipe or solo trumpet
8. Gathering
This is the opportunity following the service and/or
committal for the mourners to get together in a social
setting, to provide support through the sharing of food
and conversation. Consider:
- Sharing stories
- A memory table with special items to recall the life of the deceased
- Special music
- Reinforce friendships and relationships through tears and laughter
With this general outline in place, you can see there are
many opportunities to personalize the service. Your clergy
and the professional staff at Saskatoon Funeral Home have a great deal
of experience in this regard, so don’t hesitate to ask for
their assistance.
Remember that you have the right to mourn the way you
wish. Exercise your freedom to follow your beliefs and
traditions, embrace the pain of your loss, recall the
memories of the one you have lost, and have anyone
you wish in attendance to share your grief. What is
meaningful will vary from family to family. For some, the
comfort of cultural and religious rituals will play a large
part. For others, the location of the ceremony, such as a
park or special church, will be significant.
For you and others, the funeral is only the start of the
healing process. Don’t expect the funeral ceremony to
be, and don’t try to make it be, all things to all people.
Take comfort in the thought that there will be other times
to recall special memories with friends, grieve with your
immediate family, or visit a special place to be alone with
your thoughts.