This article is intended to increase your confidence in your ability to plan a meaningful tribute for others – or, for that matter, yourself. A funeral honours a life that has been lived; shares the burden of loss and mourning with others, and allows people to reflect on their own beliefs and mortality. Culture, personal beliefs, and circumstances all affect our decisions.

Often, the best place to start is to contact your local funeral home and/or your clergy. Most funerals contain some or all of the following elements, with room for changes to celebrate the life of the individual in your own unique way.

1. Visitation

This is the opportunity to be with those who grieve, and to be with the person who died. It can be the hardest thing to do – but many experts agree that the visitation is the most personally meaningful step in coming to terms with death. Consider:

• Special music
• Placing a private letter or special object in the casket
• Sharing favourite memories
• Special clothing that best depicts how you remember the deceases
• Photos

2. Service Opening 

This is the start of the ceremony, which states the purpose of the gathering and sets the tone for the ceremony. Consider: 

• Family members/friends light candles
• Special processional music
• Placing a flower by the urn or on the casket
• Special person acts as the urn bearer
• Formal religious receiving and processional
• Meaningful opening statement

3. Readings

These may be readings from religious scripture or from other inspirational sources. Consider: 

• A passage or poem which captures the unique life and philosophies of the deceased
• Something the deceased has written, such as a poem or cherished letter
• Reading by a friend or relative
• A recording of a reading, such as an excerpt from a play
• Responsorial readings, which allow those in attendance to participate

4. Music 

Music, like the readings, expresses our emotions and beliefs. It is a powerful medium which is both personal and universal. Consider:

• A performance, such as an instrumental or vocal selection
• Various types of music throughout the service
• A recording of a favourite song

5. Tribute 

The eulogy pays tribute to and recalls the life of the deceased. It is a very important aspect of the funeral and its focal point. Consider:

• Frequently use the name of the deceased
• Consult with others to include memories from many different people and aspects of the life of the deceased
• Invite others to share their memories
• Include upbeat, even humorous, memories
• Include a memorial display with items such as photos, trophies, special objects, music and video 

6. Closing

Just like the opening, the closing might be just a few sentences. The closing needs words that are chosen carefully (e.g. those which are set forth in religious rites) which leave a lasting impression. Consider: 

• Family members may carry a flower from the service
• Selection of special people to be pallbearers or urn bearers
• Special, meaningful processional music
• Military or fraternal last rites

7. Committal 

8. Gathering

Most people don’t know, but generally think a funeral is "expensive". Contrary to popular belief, though, the cost of a funeral has become lower in relation to most other products and services.

Even so, if you don’t have an idea of what’s involved, funeral expenses could seem to be costly, confusing, and never-ending. If you know what to expect you will be able to understand and control those costs.

1. Professional Services

Includes such things as transportation of the deceased, embalming (if requested), completion of legal documents, burial permits, cremation documents, consultation, and other costs of staff, facilities, vehicles and equipment.

2. Merchandise 

Refers to material items such as a casket, an urn or guest book.

3. Disbursements 

Disbursements are fees paid on your behalf for other products and professional services involved in the funeral such as honourariums, flowers, or luncheons.

4. Resting Place 

These costs are associated with wherever the remains of the deceased are permanently placed. This includes not only a cemetery or columbarium, but also (in the case of cremation) scattering by land, sea or air. Costs can vary greatly. The funeral directors listed in this Guide have no vested interest in a cemetery; they can provide you with the best options and can sometimes acquire property for you at substantial savings.

5. Memorialization 

Includes the purchase of a monument and a memorial plaque, or another form of memorial such as a donation.

One of the best ways to prevent overspending is through pre-arranging. That way, you can discuss your selections and choices, consider the total cost, and keep your decisions on file with the funeral home. If you wish, you can also pre-pay those expenses at today’s prices to reduce the effects of inflation in the years ahead.

After a death, there are many legal details to sort through. While in some cases, it is not necessary to get a lawyer, it is strongly recommended. A lawyer will make sure all the “t’s are crossed and i’s are dotted”. The time following a death of a loved one is extremely emotional, and even the closest family will have disagreements over the most trivial matters. To make sure there is still peace in the family, it is a good idea to let a lawyer figure things out.

Before getting in touch with a lawyer there are several important documents that you need to gather. Those include:

• Wills
• Deeds
• Bank Statements
• Insurance Policies
• Vehicle and Boat Titles
• Tax Documents

Bank Accounts

Wills

Probate

Executors

Cremation is an alternative to the burial process and it is chosen by many people because of religious beliefs, the desire to preserve the environment or it was requested by the person who died. Cremation is often a less expensive option in comparison to a burial, mainly due to less professional fees from the funeral home, a more basic casket choice, and reduced cemetery costs. At the funeral home, the deceased is placed in a container or casket that is combustible. The casket is then placed in a cremation chamber at the crematorium where through intense heat is reduced to bone fragments that are then processed to resemble course sand.  The cremated remains of an average adult body will weigh about 7-8 pounds. Cremation is not an alternative to a funeral, but rather an alternative to burial or other forms of disposition.

Cremated remains can be scattered or buried, or they may be kept with the family in a decorative urn. There are many new and different ways to memorialize: cremated remains can be placed in an artificial coral reef in the ocean, they can be launched into space or sent up in helium balloons, or they can be spun into glass pieces of art or diamonds.

Some religions welcome cremation while others forbid it. The Catholic Church had banned cremation up until 1963, and burial remains the preferred form of disposition today. If cremation is chosen in the Catholic funeral, the church advises that the cremated remains are to be buried in a cemetery. In other Christian denominations, cremation was historically discouraged but nowadays it is more widely accepted. In eastern religions such as Hinduism, Jainism, Sikhism and Buddhism cremation is mandated, while in Islam it is strictly forbidden. Orthodox Jewish faith also forbids cremation; other sects of Judaism support cremation, but burial remains the preferred option.

Cremation FAQ