Trusted Saskatoon Funeral Home Share Advice On How to Deal with Special Days and Holidays When Grieving

23. Mar 2023 Admin Saskatoon Funeral, Trusted Tips

Since 1910, Saskatoon Funeral Home has responded to the needs of Saskatoon & area citizens of every faith and every walk of life. They have a proud history as Saskatoon's longest-serving, local, family-owned and operated, full-service funeral and cremation provider to trace its roots to the beginning days of our city. Saskatoon Funeral Home are a Trusted Saskatoon funeral home.

Dealing with Special Days and Holidays

By Dr. Bill Webster

You probably heard the expression “Some days are diamonds, some days are stones”.

When you are grieving, there is no question that some days are more difficult than others. Many people don’t realize that grief comes and goes. Let me illustrate. If you get a sore throat, it is painful for a few days; then the discomfort diminishes till it gradually disappears.

Grief does not work in a similar way, though many people seem to think it will. When someone dies, people expect that your “pain level” will be very high in the first few days, over the funeral, or at worst for a few weeks.. But often at first we feel quite numb. People confuse numbness with strength, and expect the pain of grief to ease and diminish soon after, just as in the case of a sore throat.

Not so! Sometimes a few weeks after the event, the pain is more intense. When the numbness wears off, we often feel worse rather than better.

Grief is a like a roller coaster… one day can be a good day, and the very next day a rotten day, followed by a better day, and then … well you get the picture. We feel better for a while, and then find ourselves back in the depths of despair. Just when we think we are getting over it, we are hit by another wave of grief, and we suffer what seems a devastating setback.

Certain days are more significant than others inasmuch as they remind us more specifically of the person who died. These can be especially difficult.. Sundays often represent family days; anniversaries; holidays such as Christmas and others when the person’s absence is felt. The person’s birthday for example can be a hard day, as you think back on special parties that were held, gifts you gave them … a birthday after someone’s death is usually not a happy one. But it can also be difficult on YOUR birthday, as you realize that they are not there to participate in your celebration.

You will be able to identify many occasions on which you miss your loved one, for the list is long.Think of all the days in particular throughout the year that could be hard because you miss the person: Valentine ’s Day, Mother’s day, Father’s day, Easter, the first day of spring, or the opening of the football or sport season; the first weekend at the cottage or trailer; the summer holidays; Christmas. Then add all the special occasions like weddings, family get togethers, weekends. These can be difficult because they remind us of better days when the person was here, as compared to THIS day where they are not.

When you don’t seem to be “getting over it” or when it feels like you are getting worse than better, it can be discouraging to those who do not understand the process. But may I remind you, grief comes and goes. Some people call these experiences “Grief Attacks”. I call them TUG’s, for they are Temporary Upsurges in Grief.

There are so many triggers, usually simple everyday things: being in a familiar restaurant you frequented with your loved one; the scent of an aftershave or perfume; hearing a song on the radio that was special. So many things that remind us of the person who has died and each one has the potential to suddenly compel us to miss them again.

Coping with Difficult Days

What can we do about such difficult days? Firstly, it is important not to regard them as "set-backs" for as tough as they may be, they are actually an invitation to come to terms with our loss a little more. But when we ask ourselves, as much as I will miss the person, what can I do on that noteworthy day to commemorate their death and celebrate their life. How can I make that day meaningful though difficult? This gives us some measure of control.

So what can we do? May I make several suggestions? Most importantly, I think we need to remember. Grief invites us to remember, not to forget. To try to ignore the occasion, or pretend that it is just like any other day is unnatural, and actually increases the tension. It takes more energy to avoid the situation than it does to confront it.

Observe these holidays and special occasions in ways which are comfortable for you.Feel free to make some changes if they feel comfortable for you.Remember, there is no right or wrong way of handling these times. Once you have decided how to observe the time and what you can handle comfortably, let family and friends know.

Allow yourself to feel and to express your feelings. Those special days often magnify feelings of loss. Share your concerns, apprehensions, and feelings with a friend or in a support group. Recognize that the need for support is often greater during holidays.Try to get enough rest, because those occasions can be emotionally and physically draining.

Acknowledge your loved one's presence in the family. Consider lighting a memorial candle at the dinner table or in the house to quietly include your loved one. Listen to music especially liked by the deceased or look at photographs or videos if it is not too difficult to do so.

DON'T BE AFRAID TO HAVE FUN. It is natural to feel sadness, of course, but it doesn’t have to be all sorrowful. Laughter and joy are not disrespectful. Give yourself and your family members permission to celebrate and take pleasure in one another. Can you get together with family and friends and take some time to share special memories or tell stories about the person. What made them special and what you miss about them? Humorous incidents recalled can have a special healing quality to them.

Your loved one died, it is true, but they also LIVED. Make their birthday a celebration of their life. What could you do to honor their life on that day? Make that wedding or other anniversary a time to be thankful for what you had, as well as an opportunity to grieve what you have lost. Take time on that day to remember and be thankful for the person, even though their absence will be keenly felt.

Try to remember the good memories that you shared with the person. You know, a birthday is a celebration of LIFE. So what could you do that would celebrate the person’s life, even as you remember their death. What would you have done if they had still been here … could you do something similar, as if they were saying, make the most of the day.

Be proactive, not reactive. In other words, do something to take charge of the day. See it as another opportunity to grieve, to miss the person, to peel back another layer of sorrow. To pretend that nothing has happened is so unnatural and actually increases the tension. Do something to remember and to grieve.

Try to balance sorrow for their death with celebration for their life, and it will make those difficult days more meaningful.

Can you be thankful for SOMETHING? Of course you are sad because someone you care about is absent, and that is natural and it is right. But can you be thankful for the years you did have and the memories you still share? I believe we can be thankful for what we HAD as well as grieving what we have lost. And are there people who WILL be there this year for whom you can be thankful?

Don’t allow looking back at the past to spoil what you have in the present. Yes, you miss the person who will not be there, but are there children, relatives and friends you can enjoy today? It may not cancel out your sadness but it certainly makes it easier.

You only have a one of two choices when it comes to grief at difficult times. Do you let the day control you, or do you control the day? Either we allow the grief to dominate us, or we try to control it. By doing something … anything … to acknowledge our sadness that they are no longer here while at the same time celebrating the fact that they WERE here, will make a difference..

Remember, the choice is that you can shed tears that they have gone, or you can smile because they have lived. Or maybe you can do both at the same time. Be prepared for difficult days, anticipate them and prepare for them, and then do what you can to make it a fitting day to remember.

Visit their website to learn more about pre-planning a funeral and grief support, as well as the traditional funeral and cremation services that they have to offer. They are always there to help. Check out their listing on Trusted Saskatoon to read more reviews and to see all the services they offer.

Saskatoon Funeral Home is your Trusted Saskatoon funeral home.

Helping Children Cope With Grief From Trusted Saskatoon Funeral Home

23. Mar 2023 Admin Saskatoon Funeral, Trusted Tips

Since 1910, Saskatoon Funeral Home has responded to the needs of Saskatoon & area citizens of every faith and every walk of life. They have a proud history as Saskatoon's longest-serving, local, family-owned and operated, full-service funeral and cremation provider to trace its roots to the beginning days of our city. Saskatoon Funeral Home are a Trusted Saskatoon funeral home.

Helping Children Cope with Grief

By Dr. Bill Webster

It is important to note that children have many questions about death, and these are usually different than the ones that occur to adults. Children’s questions deserve simple, straight forward answers. The first task of a grieving child is to make sense of the factual information about how the loss occurred. A caregiver’s direct, concrete explanation of the facts surrounding the death will help the children begin to come to terms with what has happened. They may ask to hear the facts a number of times. They may also want to share the story with many others … friends, teachers, strangers … to try to comprehend the unimaginable that has happened.
Children’s perception of loss and their grief has to be understood according to their developmental levels. Death, or indeed any loss, means different things to children of different ages. Enquire and try to figure out what this loss mean to this child at this particular time in life. What they feel they have lost will be a determinate of what they are missing, and what needs to be.
Dispel any fears the child may have. Children are often afraid that someone else in the family, or they themselves will die also. They need to have reassurance that these fears are unfounded. Every child is afraid of being abandoned, so if one parent has died, the remaining parent can assure the child that he/she expects to live a long time, and will take care of all the child’s needs.
Children need to teach adults about their grief. Every child and every response is unique. Rather than assuming that we know what the child is feeling, we must allow the children to be our teachers. As children share their grief with others they trust, they tell us what they are feeling and experiencing. As adults communicate respect, acceptance, warmth and understanding, the child will sense that they are being taken seriously and be more open to the stabilizing presence of that individual as they reach out with meaningful support.
Children express themselves in a variety of ways after a loss. Some of the most widely recognized include: an apparent lack of feelings; acting out behavior, due to feelings of insecurity and abandonment and often expressed by behaviors which provoke punishment, for children would rather be punished than feel ignored; regressive behavior; fear; guilt and self-blame; “Big Man” or “Big Woman” syndrome, (often encouraged by those who with good yet unwise intentions tell a 10 year old that he has to be the “man of the family”); disorganization and panic; loss and loneliness; explosive emotions.
Simple ceremonies such as lighting a candle next to a photograph; placing a letter, picture or special memento in a casket; or releasing a helium balloon with a message attached for the person who died, can be effective rituals of farewell. Children can be wonderfully creative with these kinds of meaningful, symbolic ideas.
Speak in simple language: Ask the child what he/she thinks, knows and feels, and respond specifically to these concerns. Do not give excessive detail, and make sure you check how the child is putting the information all together.
Be honest. Avoid half truths. Never tell a child something he/she will later have to unlearn. Don’t avoid the word death, because sometimes the alternatives (asleep, gone away, in a better place, etc.) create worse difficulty in a child’s mind.
Be open about the situation: When my wife died, my boys were 9 and 7 years of age. As much as I might have wanted to, there was no avoiding the questions that arose. “Why did Mommy die?” “Where is she now?” “What will we do if you die too?” I tried to answer the questions they asked simply and honestly, without giving too complicated responses. They discerned that I was making them a part of it all, and was being open about everything and accepted that.
Initiate the conversation: Children may not ask questions because they are not sure if they will upset we adults. They may not know what to ask, or be able to put their uncertainties into words. They know that something unusual is happening, and are scared by it. Instead of asking questions, they may turn to whining or other negative behaviors, which add to your emotional stress. In response, rather than helping them cope, adults may get upset or angry and this adds to the reluctance to talk. Try to be sensitive to opportunities to ask children how they feel. We might ask, “You’ve probably been wondering about …. ”, and pose the question that the children may be asking.
Sometimes our concern for the children can mask a deep need to resolve our own adult grief issues. Sometimes it is easier and more socially acceptable to say, “I am concerned about the children,” than it is to say, “I’m having a hard time dealing with this myself.” So be careful not to transfer your own fears and anxieties on to the children.
Often a child may benefit from a support program. Talk to your doctor, spiritual leader or other community resource people to see what programs are available for your children.
Above all, let the child know that these feelings of grief are natural and a necessary part of the grieving process and that their grief will pass. Assure them they are not alone, and that others, including you yourself, feel sad as well. Assure the child, however, that these feelings will pass with time, and that life will return to normal.

A few practical guidelines:

When describing the death of a loved one, use simple direct language.
Be honest. Never teach a child something they will later have to unlearn.
Allow children to express all their emotions
Listen to children, don’t just talk to them
Don’t expect the child to react immediately. Be patient and available
Understand your own adult feelings about death and grief, for until we have come to terms with it for ourselves, it will be difficult to convey a positive attitude to children.

An important influence on children is watching how adults are responding. Caring adults can help guide children through this difficult time and make it a valuable part of personal growth and development. When you support children through these difficult life transitions, they will know without a doubt they are not alone. There is no greater gift we can give our children.

Visit their website to learn more about pre-planning a funeral and grief support, as well as the traditional funeral and cremation services that they have to offer. They are always there to help. Check out their listing on Trusted Saskatoon to read more reviews and to see all the services they offer.

Saskatoon Funeral Home is your Trusted Saskatoon funeral home.

Trusted Saskatoon Funeral Home Explain Loss from a Child's Perspective

23. Mar 2023 Admin Saskatoon Funeral, Trusted Tips

Since 1910, Saskatoon Funeral Home has responded to the needs of Saskatoon & area citizens of every faith and every walk of life. They have a proud history as Saskatoon's longest-serving, local, family-owned and operated, full-service funeral and cremation provider to trace its roots to the beginning days of our city. Saskatoon Funeral Home are a Trusted Saskatoon funeral home.

Loss from a Child's Perspective

By Dr. Bill Webster

“My mother died when I was 5 years old. I felt like I was insignificant, as if I was getting smaller and smaller … so unimportant that I might disappear. It’s very hard to explain, but I believed I was wrong, somehow. For years I felt like I was on the outside of things, even though others would not have thought I was.”Sally, 35, who lost her mother.

Sally’s words teach us that a child’s feelings resulting from the death of a parent or sibling may not be obvious to others. Because the child thinks the universe revolves around them, a death can produce an anxiety that translates into a “fear of losing myself”. Sally, at 5, felt like she was getting “smaller and smaller” and that she might “disappear”. This fear of being lost, and the related anxieties about being on the outside of things is common among children of all ages.

It should be obvious that any child old enough to love is old enough to grieve. Children of ages are affected by any significant loss, and often very deeply, because their coping mechanisms are just developing. To understand the complexity of how each situation affects a child, we should ask ourselves:

“What does THIS loss mean to THIS child, at THIS time in his/her life?”

However it is important to recognize that a child’s comprehension and their response to a death varies, depending on their age and developmental levels. Death means different things to children of different ages.

For Infants, awareness of their world is limited, so the death of a mother is perceived as “unavailability” or “absence”. An infant’s needs are for physical contact, warmth and consistency, which creates security. The absence of a nurturer poses a threat to survival, resulting in fears.

Between about 2 – 4 years, a child still has no concept of the permanence of death, but their fears are more numerous. Cartoons suggest that characters can be blown up, run over, hurt, but then simply get up and go about their business. Likewise the young child may believe that “Mum will come back” and may continue to act as if the dead person is still alive. Death is just a “sleep” from which they didn’t wake up.

Between ages 5-9, a child’s understanding of death undergoes another change. This is often the age of “magical thinking”. They see death as coming from an external source … a bogeyman, or angel who comes to take people away. They regard it as some kind of enemy or assailant. Thus children may regard death as something to outwit, rationalizing “if I am good or do the right things I will be able to reverse this.” If we do not make children a part of what is happening, or keep it “a secret”, they assume that somehow they are responsible, which mistaken perception merely adds complications to their mourning.

Again remembering that we are talking developmental levels as well as actual ages, between 9 – 12 the child begins to understand that death is the end of life, irreversible, and is a natural part of life rather than an enemy who steals people away. They become more concerned with the consequences of death … “who will take care of me? will we have to move? will Dad marry again? (and if so what will happen to us?)” Because they are no longer thinking of themselves as “little children”, they may present a façade of independence and coping. They want to comfort a surviving parent or family member, and may try to assume the roles of the person who has died. They want to be helpful, which can be OK, but caution is required. All too often younger children have a terrible burden placed on them by some well intentioned person who says, “You need to act grown up. You’re the father/mother of the family now.” The child will assume the role to attempt to master their pain and deny their helplessness, but it is unrealistic to expect a child to be anything other than a child.

Older children often need help to express their grief, especially over the loss of a parent. Research clearly shows that teenagers have more intense grief, but struggle desperately not to show it. Adolescents are suspended between the dependency of childhood and the adult responsibility they hope to earn. The young person may fear that expressing deep sadness or grief displays a return to childhood vulnerability, which they resist stoically. But also, it is part of the teenage role to be in conflict with parents, and so when a parent dies during this transition between reliance and self-determination, there can be a struggle. Besides, it is not regarded as “cool” to be talking about missing your parents. Teenagers are exceedingly concerned about the acceptability of their responses to others, particularly their peers. Thus the teen may find it difficult to express the feelings the death of a parent can raise.

Any death confronts teenagers with their own mortality. They could die. Angry at the death, they may adopt a “Why should I care” attitude. Perhaps as a defense, or maybe in defiance, young people sometimes engage in reckless or dangerous behaviors to show they don’t care or to try to prove they are immortal.

As we have mentioned, a child who has been personally affected by death will have multiple fears, among which might be:

Fear of losing the other parent (then what will happen to me)
Fear that he or she too will die
Fear of going to sleep (lest I never wake up, like Mum)
Fear of being separated from a parent or sibling
Fear of being unprotected
Fear of sharing feelings or emotions with others

One teenager says: “I was afraid to talk about how I felt to my mother because I knew she would start crying. Then my older brother would get mad at me for upsetting mom. So I kept my feelings to myself, and pretty soon I was afraid to say anything to anyone.”

Guilt often comes from four common beliefs expressed by surviving children:

The death is a punishment for my bad behavior.
I wished the other person dead. (The child is thinking that their wish that the person would “drop dead” or similar sentiment has caused it to happen.)
I didn’t love them enough. (…so that is why they left.)
I should have died. (Often with the death of a sibling, the child may hear the parents talk of the deceased in glowing terms, and feel like they preferred the sibling to the surviving one; or maybe would wish that they had died and the deceased had survived.

Special care is necessary when talking to children about death:

Children tend to mourn little by little, bit by bit, and should be allowed to process their grief in child-sized segments. Do not expect the child to respond in an “adult way”.
Use language that is appropriate to the age of the child. Try to use concrete rather than abstract language. Initiate the conversation. Children may not ask questions because they are unsure if they will upset us adults. Ask, “You’ve probably been wondering about ….” and then try to pose the question the child may be asking. Answer the child’s questions openly and honestly, and even if there is no answer, to be up front about that.
Observe how the child may be feeling. Dispel any fears, including the anxiety that someone else in their family, or they themselves will die also.
Reassure the child about HIS/HER place in the family; that the family still exists and their place in it is just like always.
Ceremonies such as lighting a candle; placing a letter or special memento in a casket; or releasing a helium balloon with a message attached for the person who died, can be effective rituals of farewell for children.

A few practical guidelines:

When describing the death of a loved one, use simple direct language.
Be honest. Never teach a child something they will later have to unlearn.
Allow children to express all their emotions
Listen to children, don’t just talk to them
Don’t expect the child to react immediately. Be patient and available
Understand your own adult feelings about death and grief, for until we have come to terms with it for ourselves, it will be difficult to convey a positive attitude to children.

Children do not stop grieving until they have gone through ALL their developmental levels. At each stage, there is new learning about the old experience. The child may grieve until they become young adults, because it is not until we are sure that we can survive the experience that we are able to integrate the fact of our loss into our changing lives.

Visit their website to learn more about pre-planning a funeral and grief support, as well as the traditional funeral and cremation services that they have to offer. They are always there to help. Check out their listing on Trusted Saskatoon to read more reviews and to see all the services they offer.

Saskatoon Funeral Home is your Trusted Saskatoon funeral home.

Trusted Saskatoon Funeral Home Provides Information On Burial Services

29. Aug 2022 Admin Saskatoon Funeral, Trusted Tips

Since 1910, Saskatoon Funeral Home has responded to the needs of Saskatoon & area citizens of every faith and every walk of life. They have a proud history as Saskatoon's longest-serving, local, family-owned and operated, full-service funeral and cremation provider to trace its roots to the beginning days of our city. Saskatoon Funeral Home are a Trusted Saskatoon funeral home.

Burial Services

Traditionally, a burial service involves a visitation, followed by a funeral service in a church, funeral home, or another place of worship. The casket is typically present at both these events, and it is your decision on whether to have the casket open or not. After the funeral service, the deceased is interred (earth burial) in a cemetery. Family or religious traditions are often a factor in choosing burial. Decisions need to be made on whether the deceased will be embalmed, what kind of casket to use, what cemetery to use and what to put on the gravestone.

Cemetery Types

Monumental cemetery: A monumental cemetery is the traditional style of cemetery where headstones or other monuments made of marble or granite rise vertically above the ground. There are countless different types of designs for headstones, ranging from very simple to large and complex.

Lawn cemetery: A lawn cemetery is where each grave is marked with a small commemorative plaque that is placed horizontally at the head of the grave at ground level. Families can still be involved in the design and the information contained on the plaque.

Columbarium: Columbarium walls are generally reserved for cremated remains. While cremated remains can be kept at home by families or scattered somewhere significant to the deceased, a columbarium provides friends and family with a place to come to mourn and visit.

Burial FAQ

What is opening and closing and what is involved?
Opening and closing fees can include up to and beyond 50 separate services provided by the cemetery. Typically, the opening and closing fee include administration and permanent record keeping (determining ownership, obtaining permission and the completion of other documentation which may be required, entering the interment particulars in the interment register, maintaining all legal files); opening and closing the grave (locating the grave and laying out the boundaries, excavating and filling the interment space); installation and removal of the lowering device; placement and removal of artificial grass dressing and coco-matting at the grave site, levelling, tamping, re-grading and in some cases sodding the gravesite and levelling and re-sodding the grave if the earth settles.

Can we dig our own grave to avoid the charge for opening and closing?
The actual opening and closing of the grave is just one component of the opening and closing fee. Due to safety issues which arise around the use of machinery on cemetery property and the protection of other gravesites, the actual opening and closing of the grave are conducted by cemetery grounds personnel only. Some rural cemeteries do allow families to dig and fill the grave on their own.

Why is having a place to visit so important?
To remember and to be remembered are natural human needs. A permanent memorial in a cemetery provides a focal point for remembrance and memorializing of the deceased. Throughout human history, the memorialization of the dead has been a key component of almost every culture. Psychologists say that remembrance practices, from the funeral or memorial service to permanent memorialization, serve an important emotional function for survivors by helping them bring closure and allowing the healing process to begin. Providing a permanent resting place for the deceased is a dignified treatment for a loved one’s mortal remains, which fulfils the natural human desire for memorialization.

What happens when a cemetery runs out of land?
When a cemetery runs out of land, it will continue to operate and serve the community. The rate of cemetery usage has slowed due to cremation. Some families choose not to inter at a cemetery or they may be interred in an existing grave above a traditional burial. The projection of cemetery land running out has changed and the cemeteries in our area have adequate room for years to come.

In a hundred years will this cemetery still be there?
We think of cemetery lands as being in perpetuity. There are cemeteries throughout the world that have been in existence for hundreds of years.

How soon after or how long after a death must an individual be buried?
There is no law that states a specific time from burial. Considerations that will affect the timeline include the need to secure all permits and authorizations, notification of family and friends, preparation of the cemetery site, and religious considerations.

Does a body have to be embalmed before it is buried?
No. Embalming is a choice which depends on a number of factors: if there is to be an open casket viewing of the body or if there is to be an extended time between death and internment. Public health laws may require embalming if the body is going to be transported by air or rail depending on the destination.

What options are available besides ground burial?
Besides ground burial, some cemeteries offer entombment in mausoleums. In addition, most cemeteries provide choices for those who have selected cremation. These often include placement of cremated remains in a niche of a columbarium or interment in an urn space.

What are burial vaults and grave liners?
These are the outside containers into which the casket is placed. Burial vaults are designed to protect the casket and may be made of a variety or combination of materials including concrete, stainless steel, galvanized steel, copper, bronze, plastic or fibreglass. A grave liner is a lightweight version of a vault which simply keeps the grave surface from sinking in.

Must I purchase a burial vault?
Most large, active cemeteries have regulations that require the use of a basic grave liner for maintenance and safety purposes. Either a grave liner or a burial vault will satisfy these requirements. Some smaller rural or churchyard cemeteries do not require the use of a container to surround the casket in the grave.

Visit their website to learn more about pre-planning a funeral and grief support, as well as the traditional funeral and cremation services that they have to offer. They are always there to help. Check out their listing on Trusted Saskatoon to read more reviews and to see all the services they offer.

Saskatoon Funeral Home is your Trusted Saskatoon funeral home.

Trusted Saskatoon Funeral Home Share Information on Funeral Etiquette

29. Aug 2022 Admin Saskatoon Funeral, Trusted Tips

Since 1910, Saskatoon Funeral Home has responded to the needs of Saskatoon & area citizens of every faith and every walk of life. They have a proud history as Saskatoon's longest-serving, local, family-owned and operated, full-service funeral and cremation provider to trace its roots to the beginning days of our city. Saskatoon Funeral Home are a Trusted Saskatoon funeral home.

Funeral Etiquette

Like everything in society, funeral etiquette and what is expected of you have evolved over time. As always common sense and good discretion are the best guides to proper funeral etiquette. Here are a few do’s and don'ts of funeral etiquette.

DO:

Express your condolences – It’s not easy to come up with words to offer sympathy to someone who has just lost a loved one. You don’t need to be a poet, simply saying something like “I am sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family” is enough. If you can’t be at a funeral service in person, sending a card or leaving a message on a memorial website is a perfect way to express your sympathy.
Dress appropriately – Gone are the days of dressing up in all black for a funeral, but jeans and a t-shirt aren’t exactly acceptable either. You should still dress to impress and avoid any bright or flashy colours. Wearing what you would wear for a wedding or a job interview would be the most appropriate.
Sign the register book – The family will keep the register book as a memento for years. Be sure to include your full name and relationship to the deceased.
Give a gift – You don’t need to go overboard with your gift, after all, it is the thought that counts. Suitable gifts include: flowers, a donation to the charity of the family’s choice, or you can make a commitment of service to the family at a later date. A commitment of service can be something as simple as cooking them dinner or offering to clean up their house, any of the “little” things that may be neglected while a family deals with death. Make sure you provide a signed card so the family knows who gave the gift.
Keep in Touch – You may feel that the family needs their space and time to grieve, but a simple phone call or note after the funeral lets the family know you care. With social networking leaving a quick note is as simple as a click of a mouse. The months following a death are when grieving friends and family need the most support.

DON'T:

Bring your cell phone – Your phone ringing will be highly inappropriate and will cause a disturbance, so turn any ringers or notifications off. Even better, leave your phone at home or in your car, a funeral is not the time to be texting or checking your messages.
Allow your children to be a distraction – From a very young age children are aware of death, and if the funeral is for someone that was close to them (grandparent, aunt, uncle) they should be given the option to attend. However if it is not appropriate for your child to be there, and if you feel they will cause a commotion, leave them with a babysitter.
Be afraid to remember the good times – Funerals are obviously a time of grieving and mourning, but remembering the good times helps with the healing process. Sharing a funny and appropriate story is acceptable, and in some cases exactly what the deceased would have wanted.
Overindulge - If food or drink is served, do not overdo it. Have a bite to eat before you go to the service, you do not want to be that guy parked at the snack table. If alcohol is served, limit yourself to one or two, do not become inebriated and risk doing something inappropriate.

Visit their website to learn more about pre-planning a funeral and grief support, as well as the traditional funeral and cremation services that they have to offer. They are always there to help. Check out their listing on Trusted Saskatoon to read more reviews and to see all the services they offer.

Trusted Tips & Resources

Trusted Saskatoon Funeral Home Share Advice On How to Deal with Special Days and Holidays When Grieving